Promises of Thanksgiving Past

     This Thanksgiving, I reflected on how differently my past Thanksgiving celebrations played out.  My past Thanksgivings were filled with empty promises and disappointed family members.  Unfortunately, I repeated unreliable and unpredictable behavior over several years. 

     When I actually made it to family gatherings, I was usually hung over or withdrawing from alcohol.  I was also anxious, restless and preoccupied with thoughts of my next drink (i.e. is there alcohol available and if not, when can I leave).  At times, I was actually sick with nausea, headache or one of many frequent physical complaints.  The food I promised to prepare and bring never materialized and I would arrive empty handed.  Finally, I hurt my family by not being "present" for fellowship. 

     There have been many holidays I never made it to the gathering.  I had to conjure up excuses for my absence because I was too sick or drunk to attend.  Looking back, my excuses were far-fetched and lame such as:

• "I have a severe rash and don't need to be near my aunt, cousin, pregnant sister... any convenient relative".
• "I have to work at the last minute".
• "I ran over a limb on my way and had to go home".
• "My tire is flat and unable to fix today due to holiday".
• "I'm sick and ran fever last night".

I did not wake up on Thanksgiving and say "I think I will hurt my loved ones today".  Unfortunately, I was unreliable, selfish, self absorbed and it did cause much pain.

     Thanksgiving this year brought a happiness and joy I can only find in sobriety.  I made a homemade dessert and arrived on time.  I was present in conversations and when I just needed to listen.  I belly laughed and enjoyed every bite of food.  It was wonderful to be truthful and dependable.