An Open Letter to My Family

Dearest family,

I am writing this letter to let you know how beloved you are to me.  I am overwhelmed this Christmas with a deep love and peace towards my family.  Recently, I find myself tearing up with gratitude for each of you.  I am blessed beyond measure.

Singer-songwriter Sarah McLachlan recorded the song "Fallen".  The chorus is a good description of where I was 18 months ago:

 

Though I've tried,

 

 

I've fallen.

 

 

I have sunk so low,

 

 

I've messed up,

 

 

Better I should know.....

 

 

I can only imagine how difficult it was for my family during this time, especially since I had to do all the hard work myself.  I slipped into a place of not loving myself but my family loved me through it.

 

The band Aerosmith's song "Amazing" describes where I am today:

 

 

It's amazing

 

 

With a blink of an eye, you finally see the light.

 

 

It's amazing

 

 

When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright.

 

 

My program promises a new freedom and a new happiness if I stay spiritually fit each day.  Part of this new freedom and happiness is a deeper love and appreciation for my family.  Thank you for the support and love over the past few  years.

 

 

Love, Jennifer

 



The Tale of Two Shrubs

This weekend, my husband trimmed two large shrubs that grow on the side of our house.  I was his assistant and pulled cala lillies from around the shrubs.  Unfortunately, I did not expect to find the abandoned liquor bottles that were hidden in the plants.  During my active alcoholism, I considered myself a sneaky genius for hiding places. 

My husband made certain I saw (and counted) each container.  I knew it was important that I acknowledge the insanity of my active addiction.  The containers told the story of how my drinking progressed.

• Ten empty miniatures- I would often drink a miniature when I arrived home before I entered the house.
• Two empty liter vodka bottles- I would often hide a bottle outside and would sneak out for shots.
• Six empty wine bottles (small one serving) bottles- My attempt to transition from liquor to a "lesser evil" source of alcohol.
• Three wine coolers- Desperate attempt to suppress withdrawal symptoms and never successful.

It felt good to purge another forgotten hiding spot.  It feels good today to not need a genius hiding place.