But Am I Manipulative?

I had never considered myself a manipulative person.  In fact, I never recall being told I was manipulative by anyone in my close or outer circle.  Now, my sober self understands the harsh and brutal truth of my manipulative ways.  Just a simple look at my attempts to hide my alcohol use paints a very clear picture of my attempts to control situations and people.

The attentive hostess-
I was always a spot-on host for house guests and promptly offered to prepare or refill a refreshing alcoholic beverage.  As I prepared drinks, I would sneak a shot or two (or three).

The creative one-
How can you hide a bottle, carton or can?  Let me share a few my manipulative ways:

• In a rarely used cabinet or drawer
• In a pocket of a garment hanging in the closet
• Under mattress or bed
• Outside in shrubs
• In glove box, trunk or under seat of car
• In my bra (D cup here)
• In my pillow case
• And many others

The errand runner-
As my drinking progressed, I often needed an excuse to buy additional alcohol.  During the day, it was easy to explain to my spouse how I needed item from store.  At 1:00 am, I would suddenly develop a headache and we would mysteriously be out of all analgesics. 

The woe-is-me strategy-
I had a list of "reasons" that I would need an adult beverage.  I could be stressed out at work or revisit a past hurt, disappointment or failure.

Yes, I can be a very manipulative person.  Even though I am sober and no longer in pursuit of the perfect hiding spot, I work hard to curb my attempts to manipulate.  The good news.... I now have insight into my behavior and have the choice to grow my integrity.