I am the Someone Worse

This morning, I went to my favorite Saturday morning AA meeting.  I love this meeting because a group of men from a local half-way house attend and it reminds me what it was like in early recovery.  I stop every Saturday morning and buy donuts for this meeting, with the favorite donuts crème or fruit filled and maple bacon.

I remember at my first AA meetings, I would listen to people stories and think "there has to be someone here that is sicker than I am".  I am sure I was pretty judgmental and would lie very convincingly to myself about being "not so sick".

I am 21 months sober and have many friends in recovery, attended many AA meetings and now have a clear understanding that I am that someone worse. I drank an insane amount of liquor (mostly vodka) and my goal was to remain numb to any emotion 24/7.   I drove my car into the same ditch two nights in a row and same wrecker pulled my car out both nights.  My thinking told me I was worthless, in a hole I could never pull out of and a failure at life.

This is why I continue to go to meetings.  I have a responsibility to show others that there is a way out- no matter how far down the scale they have gone.  What do I get in return?  A reminder that I am always just one drink away from being that someone worse.

Happy Weekend!